The Way I Am.

Morning dew…

totoputo — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 00:09:55 +0000

It’s Tuesday morning and I got out of bed early. Breakfast is waiting but I am not yet hungry. Five hours of sleep is enough to get me going all throughout the day. A cup of coffee and cigarettes will make my brain function. I don’t know why I got up early. Maybe because I feel uncomfortable living back at my family’s place. I wanted to get my own apartment again. I wanted to be independent once more. I wanted to do anything anytime I wanted it to. I wanted to feel free. I wanted to explore what the world has to offer. I wanted to get my own life back. I wanted to be me.

Its 08:08 AM and its nearly time to go to work. I am still on my bed with my laptop. Checking my email and checking my love.

Ressussitation…

totoputo — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:49:11 +0000

I was dying and you gave me aid. You saved me from an eternal damnation. You taught me how to breathe again. You showed me that you really care. You gave me back what was once lost. You brought me back to life…

You are my lucky charm. What would have I become if you didn’t come into my life? I must have been lost in oblivion. I must have been gone. You gave me a reason to breathe again. You taught me how to smile again. You were God sent. You are my guardian angel..

Exhaustions… Exemptions…

totoputo — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:20:28 +0000

It has been my fourth BPO company and I still have to undergo Foundation/Core Skills Training. This may seem tiring but it was actually helpful since it helped me pronounce and enunciate words perfectly. The training itself was a bit boring but with the aid of our trainer, my co-workers and sit-in classes, the day ended just fine.

Another thing to look forward to with regard to my new work is my team mates and my new TL. We already met her. She’s pretty. I hope we wouldn’t have any problems with our team when we hit OPS. I found new acquaintances namely Cards, Bryan, Ryan, Ais, Rush, Ash, Mackie, so on and so forth. Sorry guys, I am not yet familiar with your names.

I hope that everyone pass this first phase. We still got three more phases. Our goal is to be the best wave in Batch 1. We can do it guys! We will be the best!

Kudos to everyone in Wave 2… Cheers!

New life… New beginning…

totoputo — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 01:23:52 +0000

I never thought I would love someone again. I never thought my heart will start beating once more. I never thought a new day has its surprises. I found you… Now I’m back.

It was a lonely but satisfying battle. I never expected I will love someone like you. You are unique. You are enchanting. I wanted you and now I have you.

It was not usual for me to wait so long. It was not usual for me to say things up close. It was not usual for me being me. I know who I am and whom I’m not. I know this is not me. You’ve somehow awaken a part of me which was lost or a part of me which was never alive for so long. You’ve resurrected a part of me which I never knew existed.

I am who I am. I know whom I’m not. I know you love me. I know I love you. Thanks for bringing me back to life…

Phoenix…

totoputo — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 01:09:07 +0000

I died a few months back. My body left rotting down the street corner. My soul was restlessly roaming along the freeway. It was not a dream. I felt it…

You might say that I should move on. I say I already have. It was a very slow pacing months after Koi and I broke up. The cruel world has brought its pain upon me. For weeks I’ve been drinking restlessly. Everyday, ever night. I lost my motivation to continue with my life. I lost interest to complete the work I started. I was devastated. I was in excruciating pain. I died.

For four years I’ve been living what was suppose to be my happiest years. For four years I’ve been thinking I was in heaven. Not worrying what would happen on the coming days. Thinking we would stay happy forever. I found milk and honey. I worked hard to build a home. I plowed the land where we will plant our love. I made sure our dreams will become reality.

I worked hard just to make you happy. I worked hard just to make you smile. I gave my all. My heart, body and soul… I gave you everything. I was obsessed in you.

A few months ago my heart was shattered. Broken into a million pieces. A few months ago I was lost, floating in confusion. What happened? What came wrong? I refused to believe the love in between is at its end. The wick is at its last thread.

The devil inside me woke up. The evil inside me took over. I was uncontrollable. The very reason to love was lost. The very foundation of trust was broken. I was invincible. I was indestructible. I felt relieved. I felt satisfied from the drools, tears, heartaches I’ve caused. I became insensitive.

Now I’m back. Now I’ve unleashed the monster inside. This is me. Rose from the ashes where I died. Taking a new peak at the cruel world I once loved.

This is me. I am what you’ve always wanted. I am what you cannot have.